Letters to two sports figures

Dear NY Rangers Hockey Club:
Congratulations, you went up 3-1 on a very good Washington Capitals team and have gone on to completely blow it. I can understand you losing game five on the road, those Washington fans really get up for a hockey game, but losing game six at home and by such a large margin? For shame.

I have one request. Please win game seven so that the Bruins don’t have to face the Penguins or the Hurricanes, both much better hockey teams then your hockey team. If you beat Washington then not only does that mean we (should) move onto the Eastern Conference finals, but then New Jersey gets forced into (probably) seven games with Sid and the Penguins making it easier to reach the finals.

Sinceraly,
Bruins Fans

Dear Ben Gordon,
I am sorry to let you know that nobody really likes you, you are just playing out of your mind right now. I regret to inform you that you are not really a viable starter in this league. Sure, you score a crap load of points, but what else do you do? You are a below average passer, a bad rebounder, and an awful defender.

I bring this up because you are currently in a contract year and are about to make way more money then you deserve based on your play against the Celtics. Now you are about to become a highly over payed player this off-season, setting off a chain reaction of “If Ben Gordon got that money then I’m clearly worth twice as much” action that got the league in financial trouble in the first place. So please, before you screw over the league, and possibly knock out the Celtics to boot, stop putting up 40/0/1 lines that look so much better on paper then they really are.

Sincerely,
The NBA

Until Next Time
~Benti