Tom Brady wants us to get wasted
The first home game of the Patriots season is coming up and Tom Brady has very important instructions for all New England Patriots fans who are attending the game, or even those that are not attending the game.
“Yeah, start drinking early,” Brady said with a snicker. “Get nice and rowdy. 4:15 game, lot of time to get lubed up. Come out here, and cheer for the home team.”
Now, the New England Patriots are trying to run damage control saying that Tom Brady meant that he wants us to drink plenty of water during the day, come to the game, cheer loudly, and go home happy and with healthy, non-shriveled livers.
Yeah, of course that’s what Tom Brady means. The only ones that might believe that story are the 8 year old kids who ask their parents “what does Tom Brady mean by start drinking early?”
Now, if you didn’t realize that some crazy drinking tales happen during the tailgates before Patriots games, then you haven’t been to enough Patriots games or you’re naive. I do like what Tom Brady has essentially done here. Tom Brady is one of the most powerful men in New England right now and he essentially has given Patriots fans everywhere the ultimate out card. If a state police officer stops a fan walking to the stadium for being drunk in public, all the guy or girl has to say is “Tom Brady made me do it!” Not only is it the ultimate hazing maneuver by Tom Brady (Tom Brady making Patriots fans drink just so they are a little more rowdy at the Patriots game) but there is nothing they can do about it!* They will simply say “Shit, Tom Brady got us good. Go ahead kind sir and make Phillip Rivers feel like a piece of shit”.
Tom Brady, you crazy man. You have out done yourself this time.
*I do not condone the “Tom Brady made me do it” excuse and you will still probably end up with a drunk in public and maybe even get hit in the face by a state police officer who was insulted that you tried the “Tom Brady made me do it” excuse. You have been warned.**
**But if someone you know does try the “Brady made me do it excuse”, I want a goddamn video. I will make you famous.